Relatable

I think most 20 year olds don't know what to do with their life at the moment. I feel like I am stuck in this limbo stage where I feel old and very young at the same time I don't have all of my shit together yet and is that ok? My parents don't think it's ok, neither do my siblings. I think it's ok most of the time I still have time to hange my mind about things but I don't like the feeling of wasting time it eats me alive inside and makes me anxious and not able to sleep. My thought go wild at night and I can't sleep I just think and do research and freak out and think some more? I usually end up going to sleep around 4 am and it sucks!!! Is there anyone that can relate to what I am feeling? I think of myself as a very private and very shy person with not many friends or many talents I still believe in myself and my future I just have a hard time sharing my feelings and emotions with others 

Maybe this will change one day...

Old friends

I used to be really close to 2 of my friends and I can't talk to them anymore I haven't spoken to them since December I think maybe one day I will be able to talk to them when I have my own place but not now while I live with my parents I do hope they are happy I know they are actually since I look at their social media pretty frequently and I don't think hey even remember me or miss How I miss them, I don't think I will ever make new friends it's very hard for me to talk to people I think because I still hope to be friends with my old friends in the future idk im not making sense anymore 

April 4, 2014

I'm twenty years old and very bored at my desk job, its currently raining and I am starting a blog so it looks like im busy typing important documents instead of wasting time. I dont really think ill post a lot or that anyone will read this but I want to read my post later on in life, ive tried to write in several diary's before but im not very consistent I think a blog will be more convenient since im near a computer or phone 24/7

One thing that is really bugging me is the fact that I applied to a new college and still haven't heard anything back its been 5 months and I dont think I got in. I will probably have to go to my safety school again... It seems like I will always have to settle for less than what I want but its my fault I dont apply myself as much as I should I will try to change that this year but I dont think it will work  I will think positively! I guess that it for today, I will continue to read Lolita and drink my black coffee